19. Talk about a recurring dream you have.
When I was a little kid I had the creepiest recurring dream and I’d always wake up crying. In the dream, my brother died in this really unusual way. We were always in our car, me, my mom and my brother, leaving the hospital. We were at the hospital a lot with my brother when I was a kid, because he had open heart surgery. I guess my fear of him dying manifested itself into this creepy dream. Anyway, he’d be in the front seat, seat belted in and not in a car seat even though he was only a baby, and we’d be at one of those gates where you have to wait for the thing to life before you can drive through. And all of a sudden there’d be a million cockroaches all over the windshield, on the INSIDE of the windshield. And my mom was like “I heard this trick to kill cockroaches, you have to put a lightbulb on their backs.” Now, I have no idea where this crazy idea came from, but it always happened in the dream. So my mom conveniently had this lightbulb that was shaped like a turtle’s shell and she’d place it the backs of the cockroaches one by one and they’d fall off, dead. Then she was like, “I wonder if it works on people?” So she took out a bigger lightbulb shaped he same way and put it on my brother’s back. And all of a sudden his stomach split open and little maggots started crawling out of him, I guess they were how my little-kid brain imagined guts to look. I never told my parents about the dream because I was scared that 1. they’d be mad at me for having a dream where my sick brother dies, and 2. I was afraid if I talked about it, I’d keep having the dream, or worse, it’d come true.
Nowadays most of my dreams are about boys I like. Those are my favorite dreams. I like to think about a specific boy before I go to sleep, just hoping I’ll have a dream about him, and a lot of the time it works.