Now, I know how that sounds. It probably sounds pretty shallow. But let me explain.
Everyone says that you must learn to love yourself before anyone else can love you. And it’s sort of like that. I was talking to my friend Maggie about this a few weeks ago and she feels the same way. I believe that I am attractive. But I’m not happy with my weight. And while I’d like to date, I don’t want to date someone who would date me, if that makes sense. I have high standards for myself and I want to date someone who also has high standards. The guys who have expressed interest in me lately are generally the kind of guys who are desperate for a girlfriend- the guys who are lonely and will date just about anyone. I don’t want to date a guy who looks at me and thinks, “she’s attainable.” I want a guy to look at me and think, “wow. That’s who I want.” And the only guys who could possibly think that now are most likely guys who are into chubby girls, and that’s not what I want.
I had a big confidence boost tonight at work. I wore makeup, lipstick and all, something that I don’t normally do because I don’t care to put in effort for my lame part-time job. Anyway, I received a bunch of compliments on how pretty I looked, and one of my regular customers who comes in pretty often, said “sorry for staring, you just look really good tonight. (a pause) Not that you don’t normally. (longer pause).” It was only slightly creepy because he’s an older guy, probably in his late 40’s, and he’s married. It wouldn’t have been creepy if he said it in a friendly way, but he was actually hardcore staring and said it in a flirty way. Either way though, it made me feel good about myself and made me realize that once I get down to my goal weight, I’m going to be really attractive. That may sound conceited, but I don’t care. Right now I fall into the ‘pretty but overweight’ category, and I’m ready to just be pretty. Then I can think about dating again.
Here’s a selfie from a few days ago, pre-GNO (girls’ night out).