You caught me off guard, now I’m running and screaming

I’ve been listening to a lot of bands I was in love with in middle and high school and they make me so nostalgic. Not nostalgic for those periods in my life, because I’m really happy that I’m no longer in middle or high school. But nostalgic for the role music played in my life and the way it made me feel. I still love music, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not the same. It was everything back then. My escape. I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s true. I’d listen to the same album on repeat for 14 hour car rides or while laying in bed all night after school because I didn’t want to talk to anyone or be with anyone, I just wanted my music. Listening to the songs that made me feel so much back then is really nice. It makes me vibrate (that’s partially a Dakota Skye reference and partially because there is no better word to describe the feeling). I miss being that girl who didn’t care so much about TV or movies or friends or family, just music. Which probably doesn’t sound healthy, but I felt like then, it was just me. I was just me. I got to be myself completely, nothing fake, no lies, just me being myself and falling in love with music. I love a lot of great bands and songs right now, but none of them make me feel the way these old bands and songs do, and part of me is worried that I’ll never feel that way about new music. This old music isn’t special because it’s from my past specifically, it’s the way I connected to it. It was just as special when it was new to me. Music just doesn’t do that for me anymore unless it’s the stuff that used to do it. It’s hard to explain. I just miss the kind of love I used to have for music. Maybe I’m listening to the wrong kinds of music? But I’m listening to the same sort of genre, indie and alternative. Is it that music has gone downhill? I don’t know. I think I’m just not taking the time to stop and really listen to music anymore. I need to have nights where I just listen and try to reach those beautiful self reflective moments again. I need to try to feel that connection again. That deep love that, even after all these years, still causes me to vibrate and cry and feel so deeply. 

Tonight I’m listening to the Boys Like Girls self titled album, 2006. 

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