30 Day Challenge: Day 18

18. Marnie from HBO’s Girls said “Sometimes being stuck in my own head is so exhausting it makes me want to cry.” What’s something you over-think too much?

Phrases like “I over-think too much” or “I over-think everything” are pretty common, with good reason. Because for the entire time we are awake, we’re thinking. Sometimes we don’t even notice that we’re doing it, but we are. There’s a lot going on in our heads at all times and it’s crazy to just stop and think about that for a second. Every person you’ve ever met or ever will meet is thinking constantly and you’ll never know 80% of the things that go through their heads. Even people who seem to have no filter and who we think literally say everything that goes through their heads, they honestly probably don’t. That’s one thing that I adore about writing. Because I probably only say about 2% of the things that I’m thinking out loud to most people and then 15% to my close friends. I probably seem very open and honest in my blog, but in the real world, I don’t say things. I’m quiet (again, except when it comes to my friends and family). I have a lot of social anxieties when it comes to people I don’t know or don’t know well. I’ve gotten better about it in recent years, but not that much better. I had one conversation with my crush last year and I said something like “I don’t uh, like to, you know, like, talk in front of people, like in class and, stuff, so that’s why I’m quiet. And like, I feel like I sound dumb when I do talk, so I don’t, very much.” Literally sounded like that, saying “like” that many times and pausing at every comma. I sounded like an idiot. Which was awful because he’s so articulate and has the voice of an angel and now I’ve gotten off topic, forgive me. I think what I was getting at is that I can properly express myself through my writing and am able to say all the things that I won’t allow myself to say out loud. Yeah, that. 

What was the topic again? Right, over-thinking. Well I’m pretty sure I just successfully over-thought this prompt. Whoops. It happens. One thing I over-think and overanalyze a lot is the things that guys say to me. That’s pretty normal, right? Well I go way too deep into it, dissecting every syllable, examining the root of each word they use, and somehow come to one of two conclusions: A. Wow this guy really likes me, and is probably in love with me, and I bet he wants us to have a big house that he builds with his bare hands and the sheer force of his beard, and B. Wow this guy hates me and thinks I’m ugly and disgusting and would never put his dick anywhere near me and who could blame him. An example: Once I rode to the beach with this guy (there were two other girls with us but I was in the front seat with him so they don’t matter) and on the way there he said that he was surprised that I was talking so much because usually I’m so shy, and that it was nice, and I came to Conclusion A. Then once we got to Wilmington we went to his parents’ house and his mom told me my skin was like porcelain and that I was beautiful and she asked him if he agreed and he laughed awkwardly and I came to conclusion B. Ugh I wish I talked to Alex more after that trip he was so cute. Getting off subject again, that happens often when I write posts after midnight. (I just facebook stalked Alex and he’s still single, gonna hit him up. Just kidding I’m a wimp.) 

I’m too far gone for this post. I over-think a lot of things. All the things. But particularly things that people say to me. I have been known to write down things that people say to me because I want to remember them and/or dissect them later. Shut up. I’m going to bed before you guys can judge me any further. 

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