I am a frequent crusher. I develop long-lasting obsessive crushes on people, usually strangers, and I never date them or even become friends with them (although the latter has happened once). Sometimes I have more than one crush at a time, but there’s usually just one major crush and if I go too long without a crush I start to go crazy. There’s just something about having a person to long for that I adore. The butterflies I get when I see them or hear them speak or talk to them. The Internet stalking. The writing of their name on pages and pages of notebook paper (yes, I’m one of those girls). And most of the time, I don’t even mind that I don’t have a chance with them. It feels comfortable and safe that way. I’ll tell my friends “I just like to look.” It’s more about the chase (although I don’t do actual “chasing”). And it’s true, I do just enjoy looking and having that person to fantasize about. But there are times when I wonder if I’m making a mistake by not pursuing something more with the objects of my affection. I used to think that if I actually talked to them and became friends or dated them, I’d lose interest. That happens quite a bit with me. But what if one of my crushes is absolutely perfect for me and I never do anything about it?
I don’t exactly believe in soulmates. But I do believe that there are people out there who are nearly perfect for other people. And the crush who has me thinking about all this is someone who I think could be perfect for me. We are so similar. We both love beer and Doctor Who and he’s a feminist (!!!) and he’s obsessed with Spiderman and Captain America (I’m obsessed with Batman) and he’s a writer and I’m a writer and he’s extremely intelligent (!!!) and bold and quite a bit older than me (so more mature than guys my age, which is something I’m looking for) and he has a beard and is just adorable. He’s a total nerd like I am and I worry that I’ll never see him again now that I’ve graduated (he’s a grad student at the university I attended). We only spoke once even though we had a class together and sometimes sat next to each other. I have no idea if he’d be interested in me at all but it’s just upsetting that I may never know. I’ve often thought about making a crazy bold move and emailing him or adding him on Facebook or following him on Twitter or something but I know that it would seem extremely creepy and I don’t wanna come off that way. It’s just so upsetting that I found this perfect guy with everything I’m looking for and I didn’t even make an effort to speak to him. I know that I should take this as a lesson and learn to be more forward and brave with guys in the future but I’m so shy that I don’t know if I actually will. The guys I flirt with and date are not these great guys I develop crushes on. Instead, I go after the attainable ones. The ones who I know I have a chance with. The easy guys. The guys who have already expressed interest in me so I’m really not risking anything. Maybe I need to make a new New Years resolution: to start aiming higher. To stop settling for the guys I won’t want to be with forever. To be brave.
Got any missed opportunity stories you’d like to share? Or any advice on what I could do about my crush? Or how to be more bold? Comments are appreciated!