Hello, lovelies

Sorry my posts have been few and far between! Life has been hectic. Well, sort of. 

My current weight loss number is like, 31, I think. I’m losing track! But I’m feeling great. All of my favorite clothes are too big for me now and while it’s sad, it’s also incredible. 

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For those of you who are new, I’m doing Weight Watchers, but very loosely. I’m not counting points or anything. I was in the beginning but as my mom loves to say, ain’t nobody got time for that. I’ve just been eating healthier and allowing myself to cheat at least once a week. That’s important because it’s so easy to get burned out on a ‘diet’ by not allowing yourself to eat the foods you love. I also eat everything a lot slower. It sounds silly, but I enjoy my food a lot more that way and once I’m done, I feel satisfied. Weight Watchers makes these tiny chocolate brownies, and they’re incredible. I’m a huge chocolate fan but I’d take these things over a snickers, milky way or 3 musketeers any day. They’re so rich and soft. The downside: they’re ridiculously small. They’re bite sized but I make them last for an hour. Sounds crazy, but when you’ve become so accustomed to eating large amounts for long periods of time, small portions is hard. You have to find what works for you. And for me, this works. I can still have chocolate, and that’s important to me. 

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I’ve also become a pro at seasoning foods, like chicken and steak. If you’re not eating as much, it helps that what you’re eating tastes amazing. When we think of diet food, we think bland and tasteless. But it doesn’t have to be.

In other news, I leave for my Florida vacation two weeks from today!! I couldn’t be more excited. That’s how I’m going to make it through work the next two weeks. Speaking of work, a customer made me cry at my register a few days ago. I’m not going to go into details but the moral of the story is: be nice to people who are serving you. Don’t assume you’re any better than them because they’re working a crappy job. They know their job is crappy and they probably hate it and are trying desperately to find something better but for now, they’re doing their best to please you and be as polite as possible (well, most of them). So as Wil Wheaton would say, don’t be a dick. You may be mad about having to wait in line for 10 minutes, but at least you get to leave once you’re done with your purchases. We’re stuck there for hours. 

I got off on a tangent, oops. I’m so excited for Florida. I bought three bathing suits, a one piece and two bikinis. And I’ve even considered wearing the bikinis in public (I bought them for tanning purposes in my back yard). While I’m working diligently to lose weight and get healthy, I’m also a huge fan of body acceptance and positivity. I think we should all love the way we look and should, of course, strive to be healthy, but even if you are overweight or obese you should still love the way you look and be confident and happy. Because we only get one body, we shouldn’t let society dictate how that body should look. If you want to change your body to look a certain way, that’s great if it makes you happy. But that could be a long journey, so on the way, work on being happy the way you are. The way I look now is nowhere near what I want to look like. I have a lot of weight still to lose before I’m done. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and just take in how beautiful I am. It’s not being conceited, it’s having confidence. And if you have that, it will follow you throughout the day and other people will notice it. When I was at my heaviest, I had no problem dating and had guys telling me they liked me all the time. It wasn’t because I was a beauty queen. It was because of my confidence. 

If you don’t feel beautiful, dress like you do. Don’t cover yourself up. Don’t be afraid to wear dresses or shorts. Put on some lipstick. When you’re shopping for clothes, don’t skip over something because you love it, but think it won’t look good on you. As the cliche goes, fake it til you make it. When I was in 8th grade, I got picked on constantly and was so insecure that I wore the same baggy sweatshirt every single day. I hated the way I looked, and it showed in my outfit choices. At some point, I decided that I could dress in cute clothes, even if I didn’t think I was cute in them. So I did. And eventually, the clothes made me feel cute. I developed confidence. Not that this is a fool-proof plan that will work for everyone, but it worked for me. That’s pretty much the theme of What Not to Wear. Don’t wear clothes to hide and blend into the background. Be brave and bold and let yourself be seen. Because you’re adorable. You don’t need boys or girls or anyone to agree with that statement, as long as you believe it. Other people will agree with that statement, but you don’t need them to. I’m not losing weight so I can get a boyfriend or become a model or to fit in; I’m doing it for me, because I know how I want to look. 

Ok I’m done being preachy. Hope you guys are having a good week! 

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Happy Easter!

So it’s Easter weekend and because so many people took the weekend off at work, I’m working 8/9 hours every day. It’s difficult. Luckily, I’m easing the pain with alcohol. In the true Easter spirit, drinking mostly wine. While at work, I heard a mother telling her child that if he didn’t stop crying, the Easter bunny wasn’t going to bring him anything. Which got me thinking. I’m not religious. And I’m not particularly interested in having children. But maybe someday. If I did have a child (only one, that’s the max), what would I tell them when it comes to religion-based holidays? Christmas I would celebrate the same way, because I love Christmas, just without the whole Jesus’ birth thing. But Easter doesn’t have much of a point for people who aren’t religious. I really like the idea of, once I have a family, creating a new holiday with new traditions. It’d be something special so that my kid won’t feel left out when their friends are getting visits from the Easter bunny and going to church on sunday, etc. I have plenty of time to come up with the details of the holiday and to give it a name. I’m really excited about this new plan, though. 

Sorry for the lack of posts lately! Work is killing me, but I’ll be back soon! Promise. Unfortunately, I’m slacking on my Camp NaNoWriMo play, too. Hopefully I will get back on it soon. It’s hard when the days and times you work changes every week. My schedule this week is a lot better than this past one, so maybe I can get more done. Wish me luck! 

Every Day by David Levithan

David Levithan is quickly becoming one of my favorite YA authors. I read Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist a long time ago, right before the film came out, and Levithan cowrote it with Rachel Cohn. I never paid attention to the authors back then because it was the kind of book you read in a day, enjoy it, and then, unfortunately, forget about. So when I read Will Grayson, Will Grayson and did some research on the coauthor, Levithan, I was surprised I’d already read another of his books. I’ve loved John Green for a long time now, but the flair that Levithan added to Will Grayson, Will Grayson was wonderful. I now consider it one of my favorite YA novels. I even liked his half of the novel more than John Green’s. 

I just finished reading Every Day, my first novel that was written entirely by David Levithan. It was beautiful. I love how the book delves into topics like gender and sexuality, topics I tend to cover in my own writing and things that are very important to teens. I like that it addresses the fact that many cisgendered people see trans* people as as a blurred line, as if they are unclear and not fully a person with a unique gender identity, and that’s not true. I haven’t seen a book that so cleverly dives into these topics that can be confusing to young people, both trans* and cisgendered. It answers a lot of questions and shows that, in the end, we are all just people. I love that A’s gender is ambiguous; A is both male and female and feels comfortable as a male and as a female and sometimes feels uncomfortable with either, something I think a lot of people can relate to. No one feels completely comfortable in their own skin all the time. I highly recommend this book to everyone: straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, male, female, trans*, cisgendered, etc. It will help create an understanding of people from all different backgrounds and walks of life with all different identities. It’s emotional and sad and beautiful and the ending was so satisfying to me. I could see how some would disagree, but I loved it. 

Has anyone else read this book? Let me know in the comments what you thought! Next I’ll be reading Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan. 

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You Have A Secret Admirer!

Think about everyone you’ve ever had a crush on. Whether you’re a frequent crusher who falls in love on a daily basis like I am, or you’re one of those people who has had two or three real crushes over the years, everyone gets them (unless you’re asexual and have never had a crush which is totally cool too). Everyone you’ve ever crushed on has most likely had multiple crushes themselves. Statistically speaking, there’s a huge chance that you have been the object of multiple peoples’ desires. This fact is both reassuring and encouraging as well as a bit sad. Sad because we will never know how many people have looked at us and thought, “wow. This is the kind of person I could see myself with for the long haul.” But just knowing that people have thought that about you secretly should bring you some kind of joy. 

Don’t ever think that because a person likes you and never tells you that it means that they didn’t like you enough. Sometimes, it physically pains me to go on not telling my crushes how I feel. I think back to crushes I had nearly three years ago, one in particular, and I get so upset because I just know we could be great together, but I never told him how I felt. Everyone says that life is too short to live with regrets and that you should tell people how you feel, but it’s not that easy. All it takes is getting turned down once to completely discourage you from trying in the future. I know for a fact that my biggest issue with dating is that I wait for guys to come to me rather than going for the ones I really like. I settle for the brave souls who are forward enough to tell me how they feel, and it’s wrong not only for me, but for them. I’m cheating them and myself.

Don’t ever think that you’re not crushable. My friends can attest to the fact that the guys I crush on are not casanovas. Some people have called my crushes unattractive. But to me, they can be the most beautiful people in the world. Just thinking about my aforementioned crush from the past makes my heart race. Everything that I know about him is lovely and it doesn’t matter that he doesn’t look like Ryan Gosling. I’d do anything to be able to kiss his adorable face. So maybe you’re not the prettiest, or the thinnest, or the most outgoing, but that doesn’t mean that a girl/guy hasn’t looked at you and thought that there must be a God because you exist. 

All that being said, we do only live once (unless you believe in reincarnation which is also cool), and would it really be the end of the world if you told your crush that you think they’re beautiful? If nothing else, you’ll brighten their day a bit. I think it’s too late for me and my crush, considering I haven’t seen or spoken to him in years and it’d be creepy to tell him at this point. But the fact that he still means so much to me and I’m still filled with all kinds of regret for not telling him is all the encouragement I should need the next time I get a big crush. I’m only human, though, and embarrassment is unfortunately a big factor in everything I do. Hopefully it’s something I can overcome so as not to miss out on any more potential opportunities to find love. 

My Day and Stuffs

I weighed in tonight, and I’ve lost a total of 29 pounds since January 1st! Super exciting and I hope to continue to increase that number before I go to Florida in May. 

I’m having one of those days with Camp NaNoWriMo where I’m like, ‘I’m ahead on my word count so I can skip writing today,’ which is awful because all it takes is one day without writing to mess everything up and get me off schedule. But I got very little sleep last night and worked long hours today and I am in a very fragile emotional state right now, which will either harm or enhance my writing. Maybe I’ll try to finish the scene I started yesterday and then go to bed. 

The good news is, I’m off work for the next three days and will have plenty of writing time! And this weird emotional place I’ve been stuck in for the last few days is adding an interesting touch to my writing. My writing definitely reflects the mood I’m in so I need to try to stay consistent or the play will end up all wishy-washy. 

Oh, I’m currently reading Every Day by David Levithan. I really love his writing style and I find myself getting lost in it the same way I did with his chapters of Will Grayson, Will Grayson. I hope to read all of his books. Maybe instead of writing, I’ll read a bit more and then sleep. That way I can avoid writing a scene like the one I had to delete because it was too much like fluffy gay fanfic (not that there’s anything wrong with fluffy gay fanfic, that’s just not the kind of cheese I want in my story this early on). 

My dog just came and got in bed with me and that made me cry because I worry I don’t spend enough time with her so now you know what I mean by ‘fragile emotional state.’ As a little reminder to myself because I forget things easily, I decided tonight that Booby and #1 Bird Dad are the kind of couple I want Nat and Matty to be. And when I start writing sentences like that in blog posts it’s time to step away from the Internets. Goodbye, Internets. 

Ahead of the Game

Hey guys! Just dropping in to give you an update on how Camp NaNoWritMo (National Novel Writing Month) is going. 

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As you can see by this lovely bar graph, I’m ahead of the game! I’m on page 28, 7434 words of my play and I’m not even finished for the night. It may not be any good, but this is the first time in a long time that I’ve fallen in love with something that I’m writing to the point where, when I’m at work or out somewhere, all I can think about is getting home to continue writing. It doesn’t matter if it’s good, at this point, because it means so much to me. It’s almost like it’s writing itself.

I had a Fiction Writing professor who always said that when you’re writing, it should be like walking a really big dog that’s running, pulling you along, almost walking you instead of the other way around. Sometimes, writing feels like walking a fat, slow dog that I have to drag down the sidewalk just to make any kind of progress. That’s when I know that my heart’s not in it. But with this story, it’s unfolding and building on itself and becoming much different than what I originally intended. It’s got a mind of its own and I’m just helping it onto the paper. The direction it’s taking is surprising me, and when your story beings to surprise you, you’re on the right track. 

The only thing I need to work on is pacing. I’m 3 scenes/28 pages in and it’s still the same day. The play is meant to last over the course of two months. We’ll see how that goes. Anyone else doing Camp NaNoWriMo? How’s it going for you?

Writing Crisis

I’m having a serious writing crisis right now. I’m working on a play for Camp NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and I’ve got 20 pages already, 5000 words. But the last scene I wrote doesn’t fit. I was really into it as I was writing but it was more of a wish fulfillment scene rather than what should have happened at that moment. It’s something that needs to happen later on in the play. It was too soon and too fluffy/gooey/mushy/grossly adorable. It was like a beautiful moment in a Destiel fanfic. But that’s not what I’m writing. It changes the tone of the entire play and I know that I need to get rid of it and start the scene over. But I’m so bad at getting rid of things in my writing, especially when I really enjoyed writing it. 

Ugh. I’m just upset. It’s only 3 pages so it’s not like starting over from scratch, but it’s still going to be hard. I’ve identified the exact moment I went wrong and why it happened so I have to change a plot point so that what happened in this scene doesn’t happen until later. I know I need to let someone read what I have so far but I’m scared. I hate letting people read my writing. And that’s not what NaNoWriMo is about, it’s about getting it all down quickly and going back to revise later. But if I don’t fix this now, it’ll change the whole rest of the story. 

This post is mostly just me convincing myself that this is what needs to be done. 

Anyone else participating in Camp NaNoWriMo? Any advice? Anything you’re struggling with?